A special love you have loved us, Vayigash 5765

Goal: the imp. of being chosen 

A person should never show favoritism in a family. For because of the minimal cost differential between Joseph’s coat and the brothers coats, the brothers became jealous and eventually it came to the point that our ancestors went down to Egypt. These are the words of the Gemara in Shabbat (10b). This would seem to be the lesson of the whole Joseph saga. Don’t favor one child over another. Even if you may harbor feelings of favoritism, don’t show it. If not for that coat of many stripes or colors, we  never would have gotten into the whole mess of the sale  of joseph, Mechirat Yosef. 
 

But if this is the case, if this is the lesson, we have a question and a problem. Why does Yosef never seem to understand this problem? After all the ordeal of the sale and Joseph’s serving as a slave, and all that, when Yosef finally reveals himself to the brothers he gives each brother a change of clothes as a present and to Binyamin his only  full brother he gives 5 changes of clothing plus 300 silver pieces. Can you believe it? IN the words of the Gemara in Megilah (16a-b), “is it possible that the same matter for which Yosef suffered, he will now stumble on the same error? Davar shenitztaer bo oto tzadik yikashel bo?  
 

I could understand the fact that in last week’s parasha Benjamin got 5 times more portions than the other brothers. That was part of their test to prove themselves no longer jealous, but now that he has revealed himself, now that the matter of the sale is supposedly over, now Yosef has to again rub it in, and give one brother much more than all the others? How could this be? How could yosef be so cavalier, so insensitive, so blind to how he got into this mess to begin with?  
 

To understand this episode, let us turn our attention to an article that came out recently in a wonderful Israeli journal called Azur. The article was written by Rabbi Meir Soloveitchik, who was our mirvis scholar in residence a few years ago. He asks the age old question, how can G-d show favoritism to the Jews by choosing them? If G-d is loving, shouldn’t he love all peoples equally? Reb Meir says that this depends on the nature of love. If G-d’s love is generic, not due to any particular act or trait of those he loves, and is simply due to the fact that G-d is loving, then there is no room for loving one people over another. But if G-d really loved Abraham qua Abraham, because of who Abraham is and what he did, then  of course he would love one more than another. He loved Abraham for his commitment to justice and kindness, for his desire to train his children in his ways.  
 

This, says Rabbi meir has implications for how we humans are to love each other. If we are to go in g-d’s ways, then the question is, how does G-d love, and how are we to love? Are we to love all of humanity equally? Is there room for the temporal love of a husband for a wife, a father for a child, or do we just love all mankind, period? R. Meir writes that G-d has modeled for us the notion of a type of love which is not there just because we are loving individuals but is about something in the other person which we like. 
 

But then R. Meir has another question; We understand that G-d loved Abraham and the forefathers, but why does it follow that he loves Abraham’s children? Isn’t that a generic type of love, unconnected to who we are? Not really, he answers. If I love someone so much that I treat their children in a special way as well, that means that I recognize within the child that part of their identity is connected with the one I love and I love that aspect of who they are. In a similar vein, G-d loved Abraham and Isaac and Yaakov, and he loved them so much that he continues to love that crucial part of who we are, children of Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov.  
 

Now we may return to our initial question, the question of the gemara in Megilah. Why did Yosef show favoritism to Benjamin after this sort of favoritism got him in so much trouble? In the end, Yosef continues to insist on the special relationships. The brothers needed to and indeed did now understand that the saga of Rachel’s barrenness and her eventual tragic death made Yosef and Benjamin assume a greater role and maybe even be more beloved. Yosef insisted on making the point that there are people who are chosen in life. Joseph was chosen to lead, to save humanity from famine. Benjamin would be chosen one day to be the father of Mordechai, the father of the first king, king Saul. This does not take away from the contributions which the other brothers would make either. Joseph was arguing that if we are all to shine, if we will ever shine, we have to allow each person their moment in the spotlight. We can’t try to homogenize everyone.  
 

There is a new children’s film out apparently, the incredibles, which addresses this issue of what to do with those who rise to the top. Should we squelch their abilities and insist on everyone’s equality or should we revel in each person’s uniqueness? Josef insisted that if we do not allow the Josefs to be Josephs, there will be no Josephs, there will be no salvation, there will be no saviors.  
 

And Joseph had a broader point as well. If you reject my special love for Benjamin, then you also reject the special love of G-d for Abraham and the election of the Jewish people. Joseph was saying, no I don’t love you as much as I love Benjamin. I may even harbor some anger at y’all, but I will act kindly and justly with you, for you are my brothers, and because it would be wrong not to. Family disputes are one thing, but doing the right thing is another. I will do the right thing.  
 

As R. Meir pointed out, G-d provides justice for all, equally, but love, if there is to be such a thing as love, is not a great equalizer. We should love our spouse more than anyone else, we should love our children more than someone else’s, but we shouldn’t necessarily show it. This is what led to the calamity of Joseph. And there needs to be justice and fair and kind and proper relations between all men and women. Justice for all and love according to your relationship. 
 

The Josef stories then are all about asserting the right to be special, to be chosen, to play a unique role. These Joseph saga’s are about the affirmation of the individual to love, to feel loved, to feel chosen.  
 

At this time of year, some feel tree envy. At this time in history, we may feel envious of the high horse from which the Europeans try to criticize us and Israel’s policies. As Americans, it is this time of year when we may feel the pains of being a minority. The Joseph stories come each year and say, You are not some downtrodden minority. You are loved by G-d. And we are not loved simply because G-d loves to love or is a G-d of love. We are loved because G-d really loved and chose our ancestors and he loved them so that he still loves us for being their offspring.  
 

R. Meir asked a question, what has sustained Jews in our thousands of years of hardship and persecution? He answered that knowing that we are loved in a special way, knowing that we are the children of G-d’s beloved, that he owes us a special love, this is what has sustained us and continues to sustain us throughout our history. Let us stand tall and proud. Let us remember that we are the children of Abraham Isaac and Jacob, Sarah Rivka rochel and leah, let us remember how loved we are. And just like the child of loving parents is sustained forever by that affirmation and love, so may we always be sustained by G-d’s love for us all, and we must do what we can to continue to be worthy of his love.