Ekev 5768

I am the best.

I am no good.

I am the center of the universe.

Who am I? What difference does my existence make in this world?

My opinions, my ideas, my feelings are the most important in the world!

I am a small peon in a large universe.

G-d cares about me.

Who am I that G-d would concern himself with me given that vast universe he created.

These are my thoughts. Perhaps these are a reflection of your thoughts as well. To some degree we vacillate from seeing ourselves at the center of the universe to seeing ourselves as nothing at all. Sometimes our mood changes within a day or a moment, sometimes one attitude or another dominates for long stretches of time.

Our parasha reflects this tension as well. One moment Moshe rabbeinu seems concerned that we think too much of ourselves; don’t think you inherited the land because of your righteousness. Don’t think that it was your might, kochi v’otzem yadi asah li et hahayil hazeh, my strength and the might of my hands has made me this prosperity. Moshe seems concerned that the Jews will become haughty.

The next minute Moshe seems concerned that the Jews will feel fearful and uncertain of themselves. Moshe is afraid the Jews will come to say, eicha uchal lehorisham, how can I possibly conquer all these mighty nations?

Which is it? Are the Jews overconfident or insufficiently confident? The answer is, both. The human condition, as well as the Jewish condition is to at times feel as if we don’t even need G-d and at other times to feel as if no one can save us, even G-d, so to speak. A person of faith one minute says Hashem Ori vi’yishi, as we will shortly say in psalm 27, G-d is my light and my salvation, and in the next breath, don’t turn your face away from me. I am afraid, I trust. I am not sure if I trust more than I am afraid or afraid more than I trust.

This vacillation between the greatness of man vs. the lowliness of man is the underpinning of all ethical behavior. The motivation for a person to act decently and properly is the belief that he or she is worth something, that our lives have value and meaning. We see what happens to people who are beaten down, who have no hopes or aspirations and what kind of criminal activity and self destructive behavior they engage in. Each of us as well can fall prey to a moral or ethical slip when we just don’t take ourselves seriously enough, when we don’t take life seriously enough.

At the same time, the humility of man is also an essential ingredient in our ethical world, because if we think we know everything, if we think we are in control of everything, we will have little regard for the teachings of the torah, of our rabbis and teachers and parents and friends who wish us well.

How does a person acquire enough of a sense of worth to feel worthy or up to the task of the mitzvoth, of being with G-d in gan eden? At the end of the parasha it says that if we do what is right, no one will stand in our way as we come to conquer. The fear of us will be on all places we trample. When a person humbles himself or herself to do the mitzvoth, then instead of becoming more humble we actually achieve our greatness. By humbling ourselves to do the godly thing, we achieve our greatness.

This is true of G-d himself as well. As the gemara says in megilah 31a; every place you find G-d’s greatness, this is where you find his humility, as it says in our parasha, G-d is master of all, mighty, great, heroic and awesome, and right after that it says that he is the one who provides bread for the stranger and justice to the widow. It is G-d’s humility that brings him greatness. Moshe’s humility was also his greatest source of heroism

There was once a king who made a contest for the best silver goblet in the land. Finally one certain Mr. Smith was chosen for his fine goblet and a place was given to him at the King’s table. They put on display the best goblet and also the worst, lowliest goblet for contrast. By mistake, they confused the best and the worst goblets. So there was Mr. Smith, sitting in his seat of honor for having made the best goblet, and there it was in the showcase, under display as the worst goblet. He was at that moment the greatest and the worst silversmith in the land.

I am the best. I am the worst. With a healthy balance between these swinging poles, I can hopefully treat others properly, understand my relationship with the One who is truly higher and greater, and live up to my own g-d given potential. I wish the same for each of you. Shabbat shalom.