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How's Your Inner World Doing?

In a very popular film one summer entitled "Independence Day", every assumption we might have had regarding humanity's position in the universe was shattered. Suddenly, we discovered, that far from being the most superior intellect in the universe, we were actually centuries behind another outer space civilization. All of our nuclear armaments and high-tech missiles were crude and ineffective compared with this newly encountered people.

The Talmud (Pesachim 50a) tells a story of a boy who came to a similar realization. The son of the great talmudist, Rebbi Yehoshua ben Levi, took ill and fainted. In this near death experience he had an other-worldly revelation. Recognizing this, his father asked, "My son, what have you seen?" He answered, "I saw a world upside down. Those who are high were low, and those who are low were high." Those who were rich and famous, powerful and respected on earth beolw were not important in the heavenly world. Those who were overlooked and unappreciated in this world were held in great esteem above. The Rabbi answered his son and said, "My son, you saw a clear world." The boy didn't see things upside down, but on the contrary, this was his first clear vision of the world. The way people around us define good and evil, up and down, is not necessarily how we should view the world.

There is also a story told of a man who was shipwrecked on a distant island. He looked around and found thousands upon thousands of jewels, diamonds, emeralds, rubies. He quickly filled his pockets and his arms with the jewels and went to a fancy store to buy everything his heart desired. They looked at him kind of funny and said, diamonds, emeralds, rubies? These are not worth anything. That's a dime a dozen. What's really worth something is dirt from the ground. That's a precious thing! So he spent the next few years digging below the jewels, and he accumulated for himself quite a substantial amount of earth from the ground. When he was finally rescued, he packed his belongings and boarded the ship, thinking himself a rich man. When he got off the ship he ran to a bank to cash in on his newfound wealth. Needless to say, the teller in the bank just laughed as the man pulled out his bag of dirt and his deposit slip.

Sometimes our assumptions about what is important and what isn't become defined only by those around us. Sometimes we lose track of what is truly of value and what's not. On the surface of things, we may place many other pursuits above our pursuit of Torah knowledge, above the performance of mitzvas, good deeds, but in our inner hearts there isn't a person alive who doesn't fully appreciate what really does matter and what doesn't.

What is Rosh Hashanah? The psalms tell us that Rosh Hashanah is referred to as "kesseh:", the day of covering. On Rosh Hashanah, we try to get in touch with our inner world, which the Kabbalah refers to as "alma de-it'kasaya", the covered, inner, hidden world of the Jew. If G-d judges us on the basis of our thoughts, our judgement would not necessarily have a good outcome. In our hearts often lurk jealousy, hatred, lust, greed, selfishness.

However, on Rosh Hashanah G-d looks at our most inner thoughts, at our deepest convictions, the innermost recesses of our subconscious, and there He discovers that we are all very righteous, all very pious, because whether or not we are aware of it, our innermost pintele yid, the spark of the Jew, shines bright and wants only to do good and to cling to G-d, Israel, and the Jewish people.

What is the Shofar blast? It is not an intellectual prayer, or a cerebral prayer. It is not even a prayer of the heart, because it comes from much deeper than the heart. It comes from what the kabbala refers to as "umka de-umka" the depth of the depth of the heart. It is a primal call, expressing our innermost desire to be close to G-d.

And why do we read of the binding of Isaac, Akedat Yitschak on Rosh Hashana? Rabbi Soloveitchic, preeminent orthodox scholar of our century, explains that only through the test of the binding did Abraham discover his inner self, his true inner potential. He knew he loved G-d. He knew he wished to worship Him. But he didn't know if there were any limits to his love of G-d. Would he follow G-d under all circumstances? Only when called upon to sacrifice his only son did he discover his own inner self, previously hidden even from himself. On Rosh Hashanah, we too must try to identify, define, and educate ourselves about our inner self.

Rabbi Soloveitchik further noted that it is our obligation, especially in the times in which we live, to make our inner most feelings conscious. A person can have the holiest inner life, but if it is not conscious and revealed, he or she can hardly pass on such subconscious feelings to others. One can't convince others of the truth of one's convictions if they are not readily apparent.

So many Jews feel deeply about their Jewishness, about the truth and beauty of Judaism, and the importance of Israel, but for many it is in the words of the kabbalah, "itkassaya", covered, hidden, not so apparent even to themselves or their children. Through the revealed world, "alma diglaya", through the performance of actual rituals and commandments, the Jew becomes aware of his or her own "alma di-itkisaya", hidden world, and those around us become inspired by his or her's inner convictions which are so evident through the external performances.

What is the difference between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur? Rabbi Soloveithic says that on Yom Kippur we are judged for our overt sins, sins of stealing, sins of evil tongue, and we therefore confess our sins openly. On Rosh Hashanah we don't mention any sins. On Rosh Hashana we are judged for our hidden world, the "alma de-ik-tkasaya".

How are our inner priorities? What do we really value and cherish? What are we really willing to sacrifice for? How important to us is the Jewish education of our children, and what are we willing to give up for it? How important is Jewish law to us and what comforts are we willing to sacrifice for its practice? How deeply does the Jewish attrition rate in our day pain us and what are we willing to do about it? How much sleep are we loosing over those many Jews who have chosen to leave Judaism out of their lives? How many estranged Jews did we invite for Chanuka, Purim, Pesach, and shabbos?

And what is Teshuva, repentance, with which we are to be involved especially from Rosh Hashanah until Yom Kippur, during the ten days of repentence? Repentence means to get in touch with our inner selves. Chana, the mother of Shmuel, about whom we read in rthe Haftara, cried bitterly each year as she went on her pilgrimage to Jerusalem, barren, without child. She was totally in touch with her innermost desire to bring a new servant of G-d into the world. She was acutely aware of her chief desire in life: to make a contribution to the spiritual life of Israel and to contribute to its salvation. We today must try to emulate our mother, Chana, as well, and deeply desire to make our spiritual contribution to G-d.

How can we tell what really is important to us and what isn't? One of my favorite teachers used to give the following guideline. If after coming home from a store, one realized that a mistake had been made and he or she had thereby lost $10 at the cashier, how far would he or she drive to get back the $10 difference? If someone called and asked you to come to services or help in the shul, and one had to drive that same distance to go to shul, and you declined, thinking it was too far, then it could be proven that going to services and helping the shul to that person is worth less than $10. Do we each know what is the price we'd be willing to pay for a good deed? Is it what it should be?

Today it is our duty to reveal what is hidden. To be in touch with our inner spiritual feelings, and let them come out and express themselves, so that not only will others more fully appreciate and understand us, but we will come to a new level in understanding and knowing ourselves.

Rabbi Dr. Bernard Revel, the first President of Yeshiva University used to go around the halls of the Yeshiva and when he met a student he would ask him, "How's your fear of heaven doing?" What's important about that story is that a) the rabbi knew and reminded us that what's important is not just how we're doing physically, but how we are doing spiritually. b) He reminded us to be conscious of our inner world. I might rephrase that question and ask, "How's your inner world doing?" That's what we have to ask ourselves today, and continue to think about all year. What are the convictions of my innermost world? How deep do those convictions run? And what am I willing to do to make those convictions come alive?

Today is the anniversary of the creation of the world. The rabbi in our earlier story told us that the real world is the opposite of the way this world appears. It is our job today, as a birthday gift to the world, to begin to see it right side up, to see to it that the "alma de-iglaya", the revealed world, looks something like the "alma di-itkasaya- the hidden world". Let us hope and pray that our inner world will become revealed to us and that we are able to live outer lives in accordance with the deepest convictions of the innermost recesses of our heart..