Vasser Kronk-kite: Good evening, and please join us in discussing what could be one of the greatest succession stories of the Jewish people. As you may have heard, Moshe is about to be summoned to the heavens, and that leaves a deep void in the leadership ranks of Israel. This afternoon, we will explore the potential candidates, speak to some leading experts and will interview some of the leading candidates. Hopefully, later on in our program, we are expecting an announcement from Hashem as to who the new leader will be. We’ll be bringing that to you live---- im yirtzeh Hashem.

First, we have with us an expert in presidential history, Peda-el ibn Amihud.

Mr. Amihud, thank you for joining us.

Mr. Amihud: Pleasure to be here.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Mr. Amihud, you have been following the Moshe family throughout the years. You covered the Ethiopian woman scandal with tremendous sensitivity. You didn’t even contract leprosy.

Mr. Amihud: Thank you.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Wouldn’t you agree that Moshe’s sons seem extremely unlikely candidates?

Mr. Amihud: Yes-

Vasser Kronk-kite: Wouldn’t you agree that since Gershom and Eliezer, Moshe’s sons, grew up largely with their Midianite mother that they simply may lack the background to lead from a Jewish perspective?

Mr. Amihud: Yes.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Now, after forty very trying years in the dessert, and with the frustration of being so close to Israel but not being able to go in, I suppose that Moshe might be quite anxious to appoint Gershom or Eliezer as successors, thereby securing his legacy?

Mr. Amihud: Yes.

Vasser Kronk-kite: But wouldn’t you say that these two sons are pretty much mystery candidates, given the shield of privacy Moshe has maintained about his personal life?

Mr. Amihud: Yes.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Well, thank you Mr. Amihud. A pleasure to have you with us.

Mr. Amihud: Thank you.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Yah, well that was really worth the $10,000 consultant fee. Hmm… Quiet fellow.

In other developments, there has been much speculation about Caleb being the future king. He is from the stately tribe of Judah. He showed tremendous leadership in the case of the spies. We have brought here today another leader from the tribe of Judah, Nachshon ibn Aminadav. Mr. Aminadav, thank you for joining us.

Mr. Aminadav: A pleasure.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Mr. Aminadav, before we begin our speculations about your fellow tribesman, Caleb ibn Yefuneh, I suppose it would not be possible to speculate on your taking the helm since you will be dying here in the desert. Is that a good assumption?

Mr. Aminiadav: Yes.

Vasser Kronk-kite: I’m sorry.

Mr. Aminadav: That’s O.K.

Vasser Kronk-kite: What about this Caleb? He seemed to be the most loyal spy upon return from the failed fact finding mission to Israel. He seemed like the only one able to command the respect of the unruly masses as they murmured over the spy’s revelations. G-d even referred to him as a "servant of Mine." That would seem to be a ringing endorsement.

Mr. Aminadav: Yes. It would.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Having a leader such as Caleb, a real people person, after Moshe would be quite a shift, wouldn’t it be?

Mr. Aminadav: Yes.

Vasser Kronk-kite: It seems that Caleb is a very strong candidate, does it not?

Mr. Aminadav: Yes.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Well, thank you very much Mr. Aminadav. It was good to have you with us.

Mr. Aminadav: Thank you.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Yeh, he was real helpful. Wasn’t he? Ah, the experts? Experts, experts. Who needs ‘em?

We now welcome into our newsroom, Serach bat Asher, Ms. Serach, welcome.

Ms. Serach: Thank you.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Ms. Serach is a true veteran of Israeli history. She was with the Jews when they first entered Egypt with Jacob, she helped Moshe find Yosef’s tomb in Egypt. Ms. Serach, thank you for joining us today.

Ms. Serach: Thank you.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Firstly, Ms. Serach, how does it feel to be the only woman to have gone down to Egypt, come out, and now enter the land of Israel?

Ms. Serach: What? I can’t hear you!

Vasser Kronk-kite: I SAID, ‘HOW DOES IT FEEL?’

Ms. Serach: Fine, I can’t complain. I’m all rite.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Ms. Serach, with all your experience in Torah journalism, do you have any names to throw into the pot?

Ms. Serach: Yah-eer.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Yair? Do you mean your nephew, son of Menashe? Hmmm…Of course! Brilliant! He was one of the first to conquer Israel on the eastern side of the Jordan. He was also with you since the days of Joseph. What a brilliant suggestion!

Ms. Serach: Vat is he mumbling?

Vasser Kronk-kite: GREAT IDEA. As a matter of fact he is known as an unparalleled figure in terms of scholarship and stature. We may be hearing a lot more about this candidate. Well, thank you Ms. Serach.

Ms. Serach: Vas?

Vasser Kronk-kite: THANK YOU!

Ms. Serach: Oh.

Vasser Kronk-kite: There are some other candidates who have been bandied about in certain circles. We have brought them here today to give you a chance to connect the names and the faces, but time will not allow for them to make a full campaign speech. Welcome to our candidates

Pinechas, Elazar, Eldad, Meidad, Bookie, and Joshua: Thank you.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Some have suggested that Pinechas, (shows candidate) son of Elazar, son of Aharon the Cohen would succeed his great uncle Moshe, but this seems unlikely given his youth, inexperience and his really bad temper. Others have suggested that Elazar (shows candidate) the High Priest himself may succeed Moshe, as he was personally appointed by Aharon, but it seems unlikely given the general desire to have a division of powers of tabernacle and state. Joshua (shows candidate) is widely viewed as a long shot since he is rarely seen in public since he is always following Moshe around. He seems more cut out for the role of an assistant head rather than actual leader. He also has failed to decide if he wants to distance himself from Moshe or to run on his coattails. Other unlikely candidates include Eldad and Meidad (shows candidates), the latest rages in prophecy, or Bookie ben Yaglee (shows candidate), leader of the tribe of Dan, whose main asset seems to be that he has a very cool name. However, he lacks that type of name recognition we would expect from Moshe’s successor.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a report from the Ohel Moed that an announcement has been made. (pause) Against all predictions, Joshua has been chosen by G-d for his ability to understand people, his unswerving dedication to Moshe all these years, his love of learning, and his military cunning. Moshe has already placed his hands on his head. It is reported that Moshe said to Joshua, ‘Be strong. Know this about the people. Know that they are troublesome, they are bothersome, and they are stubborn. On condition that you realize this, accept this post.’

What a remarkable election. Joshua was clearly trailing in all the polls of leading experts. Gershom ibn Mussa, this must be quite a disappointment for you.

Gershom: Well, you can’t win ‘em all!

Vasser Kronk-kite: Caleb, you must be quite disappointed. You seemed like the leading candidate.

Caleb: G-d and the Israeli people have spoken.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Joshua, this must be a thrilling day in your life.

Joshua: Look, I just go out there to learn Torah. I’m glad the Jewish people have a new leader. I look forward to working with Caleb, Elazar and all the other leaders.

Vasser Kronk-kite: Well, there you have it folks. The Children of Israel have themselves a new leader in the person of Joshua, son of Nun. He is somewhat of an unknown, but actually he has shown more dedication to Moshe than anyone else. His modesty is a good reflection of the modesty of his teacher, Moshe. The Israelites have a new leader. Joshua son of Nun, from the tribe of Ephraim, only the second leader of Israel. We will continue to give you full coverage on Joshua’s formal inauguration and we will keep you posted on the impending death of Moshe, our beloved teacher. Thank you, and for the desert news team, this is Vasser Dickie Kronk-kite. Good Shabbos.