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Scenes From a Seder
by Rabbi Joel
M. Finkelstein
Cast: Narrator 1, 2, G-d, Moshe, Kid 1-5, Teacher
Dad 1-4, matzo, maror (15 child parts), Narrrator-Rabbi (Rabbi)
Narrator 1: Here we are at Mt. Sinai and we have direct satellite
hookup with Moshe in heaven speaking with G-d. Moshe hasn't quite been
there 40 days yet, and G-d is starting to tell him about Pesach. The
discussion is already in progress.
G-d: So then the parents have to tell their children about how the
Jews
went out of Egypt.
Moshe: But what if the kids don't want to know? What if they don't
ask?
G-d: Oh, don't worry, they'll ask. Here, look at this neat future
TV
projector. This takes place in Memphis around 3, 000 years from now.
Kid 1: Oh, why do we always have to do this Passover stuff?
Kid 2: Yeh, what's the point of all these weird veggies and crispy
wafers?
Kid 3: Do we really have to read this whole "haggadah"
thing? Can't we
just skip it this year?
G-d: You see, they will ask questions! Just like I said!
Moshe: You call those questions? That sounds more like whining.
Rabbi-Narrator: We now take a break in the action to ask you, the
ASBEE viewer audience; What do you think? Do these questions qualify as
questions?
Audience:__________
G-d: Well, I'll show you some other kids who ask certain very
special
questions. Brooklyn, New York, 1999.
Kid 4: Mah nishtana halayla hazeh- pikol halelot?
Teacher: Not Pikol! Mikol halelot!
Kid 4: Sikol haleylot.
Teacher: Not Sikol! Mikol!
G-d: You see, they also asked questions.
Moshe: Those aren't questions. They don't even know what they are
saying. What if the parents did something weird like eating vegetables.
G-d: Yeh, that would be a tip off. No one just eats vegetables for
the
fun of it. Make 'em eat celery or parsley, then the kids will really
wonder what's going on!
Moshe: Yeh, brilliant plan, G-d! Could we see on your futurescope
how it works out?
G-d: Sure, anything for you, Moshe.
Kid 5: Hey, why do we have to eat these gnarly vegetables, dude?
What is this night different from any other night or something?
Moshe: Perfect! That's the way it must be. But how should they
start to tell the story, should we start from Adam and Eve and go on until
we get to me, or start from Abraham until we get up to the story of Sinai
or
maybe we should start from the Joseph story and stop when the Jews go to
Israel or maybe yet we should go from Laban to Pharaoh?
Rabbi-Narrator: We now take a break in the action to ask you what
you think.
Audience: ______________
G-d: Well, a lot of options, eye? Good question. Let's see how it
would
sound either way. O.K. roll 'em. Take one.
Dad 1: Once upon a time, there was Terach, and he was Abraham's
dad, and he had idols and then-
Moshe: Wait a minute! The kid is going to fall asleep by the time
the
dad gets to the punch line about Moses and Pharaoh. Let's try starting
with Laban.
G-d: Take 2. Roll 'em.
Dad 2: Once upon a time, there was Laban. He was Jacob's father in
law. He was a mean dood, like really nasty like. He tried to kill
Jacob's
family.
Moshe: Cut! Nobody even ever heard of Laban. Why start with him?
Try
starting with Joseph.
G-d: Take 3- Roll 'em.
Dad 3: Once upon a time the brothers sold Joseph down to Egypt-
Moshe: Cut! Do we really want the parents reminding the kid every
year what the brothers did to Joseph? Let's just start in Egypt.
G-d: O.K. roll 'em. Take 4-
Dad 4: We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt and G-d took out with
lots of miracles. (everyone)Avadim hayinu, hayinu, ata ata ata ata benei
horin.
G-d: Perfect! But you know what?
Moshe: What?
G-d: I liked all of the versions. Let everyone say all the
versions.
Moshe: (to the people) Hear ye! Hear ye! Let everyone say all the
versions! But G-d-
G-d: Yes?
Moshe: What can the parents use to help tell the story? Like visual
aides, like.
G-d: Well, how about Matzo?
Moshe: Let me see what you mean.
G-d: Matzo, (in the voice of Bob Barker or the Price is Right) come
on
down!
Matzo: I am not so pleasant to eat. I have very simple
ingredients.
Poor people eat me.
Moshe: He can't tell the story. He's all skinny and wrinkled and
besides, he gives people indigestion.
G-d: Let's ask Matzo if he can give us one good reason he should
tell
the story.
Matzo: Well, I'm the perfect one for the part. I can tell about how
they
had to eat me when they were slaves, and how they had to eat me when they
went out because they had no time.
Moshe: Well, I guess, but do you have anyone else to tell the
story?
G-d: Sure, there's always Maror.
Maror: Booo! Hooo!
Moshe: Just smelling him makes me cry. Bravo! Excellent
performance. Tell me more.
Maror: Well, you want to know how it was to be a slave? Try a piece
of
me!
Moshe: May I?
Maror: Please.
Moshe: Ow! OOH! Call the fire department! Dial 911!
G-d: Not a bad story teller, ey?
Moshe: Yup. He's hired.
Narrator 2: And Moshe and G-d went on for the next three days
figuring out the perfect Pesach. And that's how Pesach came to be
the way you know it today.
Someone: The End. |
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